the funny pages

It's difficult for me to decide which of the following stories made me laugh most today in The Indianapolis Star.

Here are the contestants:
1. Andre Carson holds 'news conference' about the tax stimulus checks. A news conference to talk about something that was implemented when he wasn't even in office. In fact, his late grandmother wasn't even around to vote on it either. When asked what his constituents should do with the stimulus he said, "I'm not a financial advisor." If you can vote in Indiana's 7th congressional district on May 6 - PLEASE vote for somebody other than Carson.

2. Bill Clinton speaks to Carmel High School, noting that "'Hillary believes America should look the way you look today,' he said. 'Despite race, gender, age, religion, we are all here together.' Diversity and the chance for new opportunities are what make Carmel High School so exceptional, he said."

One funny part of this is the picture of all the white kids clapping with a few Asian-American students thrown in for 'diversity.' Perhaps the funniest part is an online comment from a poster who writes (and I'm paraphrasing) "...the only time the words Carmel and diverse should be used in the same sentence is when the phrase is not is sandwiched in between."

3. And finally, from the Lifestyle section is about a letter to Annie's Mailbox from a mother who wonders if she should tell her husband that their daughter got a boob job. Dad is paying for daughter's wedding because she 'has no money.' Mom is afraid Dad will be mad and embarrassed when the buxum bride shows up in her strapless wedding gown in which 'everything is on display.' Man, where are the Wedding Crashers when you need them?

dan rather, eat your heart out

So I'm minding my own business at Hubbard & Cravens coffee shop today and all of the sudden a crew from CBS News shows up to do some interviews about Indiana's upcoming primary election on May 6. Yes, Joe Lotstar might be on the evening news broadcasting nationwide. They interviewed me and a few other patrons.

I've done enough media relations to realize that I may not make the program and that what I have to say may consist of 10-15 seconds of babble. But who knows ... can't you just see Katie Couric and I on camera together?

So set the TiVo and actually witness how people who watch the 6:30 evening news get their information. Pretend you're 80 years old, go to the cafeteria for the early bird discount, nestle into your evening slippers, and keep an eye out for my 15 seconds of fame.

POW-17

I find it interesting that two movies came out today about 'prisoners of war' related to the existing conflict against terrorism. One is a documentary of sorts titled Standard Operating Procedure. This documentary of the prisoner abuse scandal at Abu Ghraib should not be confused with journalism, reminds Mahnohla Dargis of The New York Times in her review. The scenes from the prison are (sensationalized) reenactments -- plus, the interviews with the players, such as the infamous Lynndie England, still don't reflect the entirety of the story.

What's really makes things interesting, no humorous, is that the other movie is Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. After reading A.O. Scott's Times review, I'm definitely interested in this stupid humor comedy. Guantanamo Bay is so famous it's infamous for purported torture techniques, yet with excellent medical benefits according to Michael Moore's Sicko.



I never went to White Castle with Harold and Kumar. However, if I had the opportunity over some sliders, the topic of conversation would be how strange yet wonderful it is to live in a country where we can freely watch movies that expose, mock, mimic, criticize, and/or support serious issues affecting our country and terrorism. Even more mind-boggling is being able to do so while it's still happening.

el dia del mundo

I personally believe you have to live under a rock to not know that using compact florescent lighting is more cost-effective and uses less energy than incandescent bulbs. So when the newspapers, blogs and web sites list that practice among their green tips for Earth Day, pardon my scoff. Duh?!

Today the Indianapolis Star talks about a couple major construction projects in the area and how eco-friendly they are/are not. The article says the the design of Lucas Oil Stadium doesn't incorporate many green practices because the "...design was drawn up in 2004, before earth-friendly features drew much attention here."

Wrong answer - they didn't incorporate it because they don't care and don't want to deal with any upfront cost. The reality is the green building movement has been gaining momentum since the early 1980s. I know, I've researched it and written about it here.

There is no amount of renewable, wind-driven energy spouting out their mouths that can convince me that professional architects, engineers and construction managers didn't know enough about building green in 2004 and they decided not to do it because Hoosiers were not attune to it. They must be living under the same rock as the people who buy incandescent bulbs for $0.63 and replace them every few weeks and marvel at their electric bill.

This is all about initial costs to the taxpayer and their inability to sell benefits. Instead, this $715 million project will cost millions more to operate per year than if green practices had been considered back in the stone ages of 2004.

Since there are too many idiots out there making the wrong decisions, my only advice is to do what you can personally change to live more green, conserve energy and protect the planet. You know what those things are. I know you do because I've been to your house and it's not a rock.

By the way - Happy Earth Day!

sue city

Surely you were expecting the obligatory 420 post yesterday here on the Lot, but alas there were no real celebrations worth noting except another sweep of the Pirates by the hot-hitting Cubbies. However, 420 has become an easy way for me to remember my Aunt Sue's birthday which is today on 4/21.

My Aunt Sue turns 66 today. She is the second of four children to Grandma and Grandpa Puckett (my dad is the youngest and only boy). Aunt Sue has always been the best of the aunts to everybody in the family and its never more evident than on Christmas day when she rakes it in from every cousin, 1st, 2nd, nephew, niece, etc.

Aunt Sue (my dad calls her Sue Sue City Sue City Sue Sue) loves IU basketball and I remember when she drove me to Bob Knight basketball camp after my 8th grade year. She loves to read and works a second job as housekeeper at our church building, picking up all the dropped candy and wrappers of toddlers. She prefers Dancing With the Stars to American Idol and she recently took some fencing classes, kicking off a new found love of exercising. She's famous for her peanut butter cookies and has been a vegetarian long before it was cool.

Here's to Aunt Sue - happy birthday!

undisturbed

Apparently there was an 5.2 magnitude earthquake around 5:30 this morning in southern Illinois. The quake could be felt 450 miles away including here in Indy. However, my dog and I slept right through it... undisturbed. Puddy and I are bachelors this weekend as Cupcake Gal is in Tennessee with a gaggle of women preying on the outlet mall and the fried food delicacies of the Smokey Mountains.

When I was thinking of a title for this post I wanted to use Sleep Through the Static by Jack Johnson. If you like his music, I highly recommend his new album - take a listen. I simply love the lyrics as they are partly about supporting peace and criticizing the war in Iraq. The second half of the song seems to ridicule those who ignore the impact environmental stewardship can have on people around the world. I love lyrics like "wool sunglasses" in exchange for the expression "pulling the wool over your eyes." My other favorite line: "Who needs please when we've got guns?"

playoffs! playoffs?!?

The NBA wrapped up its regular season last night and the playoffs begin in a few days. For those of you who aren't aware, 16 teams make the playoffs out of 30 NBA teams - 8 from the East and 8 from the West.

What's annoying to me is that teams like the Atlanta Hawks in the East have a 37-45 record. In other words, they are losers. Meanwhile, winning teams like the Golden State Warriors in the West have a 48-34 record and since they are the 9th best team in the West, they are out of the playoffs.

My idea is this: Pit the teams with losing records in one conference for a one-game playoff against winning teams from the other conference. We'll use Atlanta and Golden State as examples. Atlanta and Golden State have to play a one-game playoff in Atlanta. If Atlanta wins, then its business as usual and they start their series against the Celtics (the East's #1 seed). If the Warriors beat Atlanta, they take Atlanta's spot and face the Celts in Round 1.

What a novel concept: winning teams making the playoffs!?!? Come on people, this isn't 1st grade T-ball. Everybody doesn't get a cheap trophy and a Capri Sun. Win or go home.

sore-ree-attic arthritis (part 2)

Previously on The Lot... anyway I decided to look for natural solutions as well. My first stop was Dr. Young Ki Park, an osteopath at Westview Medical Center. (I just visited him again on Monday and that served as the impetus for blogging about all this).

Dr. Park recommended some radical approaches. He wanted me to started a gluten-free and nearly dairy-free diet (yogurt ok). I was to avoid sugar, alcohol, soda, and coffee too. My first thought was, "What about pie?!?" with Thanksgiving lurking in the coming months. His response was, "If you want pie, have pie, but just one bite." Yeah right.

I followed the diet pretty strictly for awhile and also started taking some supplements he prescribed. These days, I limit all of the don'ts as best I can but definitely indulge - I just really monitor the intake.

But the other thing Dr. Park wanted to do was cupping. This is old skool medicine, kind of like bloodletting. Basically, to reduce the inflammation in problem areas, Dr. Park pricks me in areas like my upper back with a lancet about 20 times, then he uses a suction technique with these special glass cups and draws blood from the inflamed area. He did it once on my knee and has never had to do it again.

Admittedly, it kind of hurts and it looks nasty for a few days. But hey, its the in thing to do - I'm so like Gwenyth.

I went back for a follow-up with Dr. Batt and he stuck his nose up at Dr. Park's strategies and after a few more (expensive) tests he suggested that the pain was all in my head. So I dropped him like a bad habit.

Since Dr. Park's techniques only treat the symptoms of my disease. I needed a new rheumatologist and found a good one in Dr. Elizabeth Le. She was attentive, did a thorough exam, ran more tests, etc. She also diagnosed my condition as psoriatic arthritis and stepped things up by having me try a disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drug (DMARD) called methotrexate with folic acid to prevent side effects. This treatment took effect within a few weeks and combined with Dr. Park's tactics and getting back to regular exercise (especially swimming), I feel pretty normal.

Sorry if I alarmed any of you. This has been a major deal for me over the past year and I'm happy to report that things are pretty stabilized. I haven't been able to fill all of you in on this, so I thought this blog would be a good way to share my story.

I'll still be able to play bocce ball, but I'll be limited in what I can do from time to time. I passed a big test a few weeks ago when I helped move the swingset/fort for the Cesljarevs.

At the prime age of 35, it really stinks to have a form of arthritis. It can make you feel old and cricked. If anything changes, you'll hear about it on The Lot. Thanks for reading.

sore-ree-attic arthritis (part 1)

About 11 months ago, I started feeling pain in my left oblique. I thought, "Wow, I'm just like Ryan Dempster! I need to go on the DL." But the pain wouldn't subside. I had trouble turning from one side to another in my sleep. At first I thought I had injured myself with a mean game of bocce ball (a true sign that I'm getting older) in the backyard.

Then I tightened up on the left side of my neck. I could barely turn to the left and definitely couldn't look over my shoulder. I then started experiencing pain in my mid-back. It was like I had been in a car accident and just couldn't loosen up. I would cramp up in my back. On one horrible day, I drove up to Chicago to meet Cupcake Gal and could barely walk to the hotel room from the parking lot to meet her.

I went to a sports medicine doctor thinking I must be injured in some way. His solution was physical therapy. The PT was ok, but the pains (except the one in the neck) just wouldn't go away. After lots of wasted money and time, PT sent me back to the doc and he ran x-rays and blood tests. By this point, I also started started to notice swelling in my right index finger and knuckle. I also had a little inflammation in my left index finger near the fingernail.

After a few weeks, the doc said my SED and ANA rates were a little high and he wanted me to see a rheumatologist (these are the doctors that deal with arthritis patients and diseases like lupus). So I went to Dr. Batt, a top rheumatologist in Indy at Methodist Hospital and he was horrible. He rushed me through an examination and informed me that he thought I had psoriatic arthritis. He poo-poo'd any natural approaches, things to eat/avoid, etc. He handed me a pamphlet on the disease, prescribed an anti-inflammatory medicines (NSAID) and said to come back in a month.

I started reading about psoriatic arthritis and started to panic. The worst-case scenarios are pretty grim and I feared the worst. But the good news was that we had caught this very early and treatment could help/prevent the worst from happening.

to be continued.

down and (not completely) out

In recent weeks, many political pundits and politicians themselves have called for Hillary Clinton to drop out of the Democratic nomination race. They claim this drawn out fight is bad for the party and will make it difficult to defeat McCain in the presidential election this fall. I disagree.

First of all, I can't stand Hillary, but I think she should stay in the race as long as she thinks she has a chance. (You don't see the Pacers not showing up for games in the waning days of the regular season even though their playoff chances are minimal - and undeserving I might ad.)

In fact, I think the prolonged nomination race gives more Americans a chance to learn the Democratic candidates. I think this knowledge only helps their cause in attracting independents for the real election in November. I'm enjoying all the coverage of Obama and Clinton in my home state of Indiana. With our late primary, we typically wouldn't get a whiff from these candidates. In fact, I doubt they'd campaign here at all for the presidential race if the nomination was already wrapped up.

I'm looking forward to voting in our primary on Tuesday, May 6. It will be an educated and enthusiastic vote.

monkey see

Some of you may be surprised to know that I have a monkey collection. Yes, I have a shelf in the home office full of stuffed animal monkeys, plastic toy monkeys, a barrel of monkeys and more. I have pens, puppets and necklaces too. Here's a photo excerpt I took earlier today.

Most of my monkeys are from Cupcake Gal who buys them at airports and trinket shops. I also have some from our friend Des and I received a great "Wind Up" monkey in a box from my Secret Santa in 2006. I even have a monkey-themed framed picture of me from my visit to Monkey Jungle (Where the humans are caged and the monkeys run wild!!!!) outside of Miami, Fla.

If you ever want to check out the collection, the price of admission is 2 bananas.

iOverload

Yesterday I attended a luncheon on social media optimization and similar strategies. It's amazing what's out there for communications professionals like myself, but its even more amazing to me that people do all this STUFF just for fun. These people are typically younger (from teens to mid-20s) or work in the tech field. Like this annoying, but kinda funny gal.

But it's a wonder to me how they get anything done besides update their myspace page, chat within facebook, podcast thy selves, twitter their friends, live a second life, text text text text text, make sure their linked in, broadcast themselves, digg on each other, flicker their photos, and oh yeah I forgot - check their email. Like, how does simply attending SXSW constitute as a job?

There's another world out there - log in.

a less than full can of garbage

I can't help but notice on garbage collection day in my neighborhood that my house is one of the few with only one garbage can on the corner. If you were to look inside, you'd also see it's not even full. Why? Because Cupcake Gal and I recycle just about everything we can.

Next door, my neighbor to the north usually has 2 full cans of garbage, yet he lives alone.

At our house, the process is somewhat "complex" but we recycle #1 & #2 plastics, aluminum, office paper, newspaper and glass at the corner on collection day (also, one of few in the neighborhood). We put all other plastics, such as #3, 4, 5 & 6 plastics, bottle caps, plastic pull tabs, and newspaper wraps in a bag that we eventually take to the Indianapolis Recycled Fiber drop-off at Kessler & Parker. We put all paperboard, cardboard, delivery envelopes, and shopping bags in other bag and again, take it to the IRF drop-off.

I consider it somewhat of a badge of honor to have the least amount of trash on the block. I'd love to start composting our food scraps soon and reduce the garbage even further but as you can understand, things are already cramped in the kitchen by doing the right thing.

I'll hope to post some other environmental comments occasionally. Please post your comments and eco-tips if you feel like sharing.

torch-gate

After a few days away from the Lot, it's time for Joe Lotstar to get a little serious for a moment. Yesterday in Paris, protesters scaled the Eiffel Tower in protest of China's human rights record and sabotaged the Olympic torch relay through the French capital. The vehement crowd tried to snuff the torch's flame and grabbed at the torch as if to run in their own direction and right the wrongs of years of Chinese oppression with a silly prank.

Today the torch will relay through San Francisco and reports indicate that major measures are in place to ensure a peaceful relay.

It's sad to me that protesters have resorted to plaguing a proud moment for a selected torch runner to make their statement. Most of these select torch bearers have dedicated their life to their sport or their community (or paid lots of money). Today, their proud moment will be reduced to playing defense and running in fear. In a city full of Chinese Americans, it's equally sad that celebration of the games in their homeland is plagued.

Please do not misconstrue -- I firmly believe that the Chinese government has done the citizens of Tibet wrong and committed several errors in human rights. However, isn't there a way to make your statement without ruining somebody else's moment in the sun?

I think the answer is yes.

"The right to swing my fist ends where another man's nose begins."
-Oliver Wendall Holmes

green is whore-ish

In one episode of 'The Office', the ladies of Dunder Mifflin are instructed to prepare an impromptu party. Gathered around the planning table, they begin throwing out color theme suggestions. I believe Phyllis suggests green to which Angela retorts: "Green is whore-ish."

Today, my lawn is green. Bright green. Healthy green. Parts of it even need to be mowed already.

Could it be the Scott's product my dad provided, laden with stuff I can't pronounce and with warnings to keep pets and children off for 24 hours. I feel like I've sold out and plan to try all-natural corn gluten weed preventer and fertilizer in the future.

It's sad that doing the right thing costs so much more money. A bag of corn gluten weed prevent/fertilizer costs $26ish and Scott's costs around $13, plus the Scott's bag is HUGE and I need to buy 3-4 of the natural stuff just to feed my postage-stamp sized lawn.

So when you see my rich green lawn - remember, she's just trying to make it in this tough world anyway she can, even if she is a bit "whore-ish."

the cache of coach crean

There is C.C. Sabathia, C.C. DeVille, C.C. Rider and CiCi's Pizza (barf) and now there is a new C.C. in town -- Coach Crean (otherwise known as Tom Crean & Crimson), the newly appointed head coach of men's basketball at Indiana University in Bloomington. The pundits are thrilled for IU (scroll to the bottom) and that makes me feel pretty good. And after listening to several sound bites and interview snippets with Coach Crean, I'm thrilled for IU too.

His enthusiasm is obvious and his resume is solid. If CC can do for IU what his buddy Tom Izzo has done for Michigan State, perhaps we'll finally have somebody worth naming a gymnasium after some day. I look for IU to compete for the Big 10 title within the next 3 years and be competitive every time the Hoosiers take the floor.

Go Big Red and welcome CC!

rollin' around

In the words of the immortal David Lee Roth, "I don't feel tardy." But alas, not only was I tardy leaving the house today, but I was so tardy I decided to stay home until my next appointment. I was excited for my dog Puddy though because I also intended to take him to Tender Loving Pets Doggy Daycare today (and I highly recommend them). Oh well, he just got a walk and Cupcake Gal will let him bask in the sun and roll around in the grass like this:

turning japanese

Is this a scene from Cloverfield or does Fukudome have the fans at Wrigley "turning Japanese-ah?!?!?!"



OK, so the Cubs lost a heartbreaker yesterday, but Kosuke's 3-run, bottom-of-the-9th shot to right center is my new personal opening day highlight. Instead of a having a pitcher's duel and losing out in the ninth, I look at yesterday's game as a pitcher's duel and a comeback that fell short in 10 innings - much more palatable.

Maybe Marmol should be closing - his stuff looked light lightning in the storm-ridden sky.